I have talked so much about our infertility that you might think we had not been pursuing adoption but that is not so. Here is a summary of our journey on that path.
Ben and I have been working through adoption and fertility treatments for about 8 months now. Before I met Ben, I used to imagine adopting as I love kids so much. We even talked of adoption before we got married. I clearly remember Ben praying for our children and however they come into our home. I think we had a romatizied view of adoption. When we started the process this year we were overwhelmed, discouraged and not too excited by it. It felt like a process where we had to prove ourselves as parents, wait endless months to get any news, and yes pay a lot of money. Adoption has also moved from very closed to very open. This means there is a lot of contact with the birth mother, which intimidated me. Finally we have had negative comments towards us and towards adoption from friends and family.
After reading all that you would think that we would not want to adopt but the complete opposite has happened. I gradually began to feel my resentment towards the whole adoption process and towards the opinions and comments of others fade away. I was left with the realization that adoption is probably in our life because God has a desire for this to be in our life. Ben and I had a deep talk last weekend and we realised that we both want to adopt regardless of if we get pregnant or not. This does not feel like a second choice to us but rather one way God is designing our family. It felt so peaceful to come to this decision.
We only have one week left and we will be done with everything to be cleared for adoption. We attended our first adoption class last night and it just reaffirmed in our hearts that this is what we want to do. They had two birth mothers there sharing their experience with our agency and one adoptee shared his experience. It really opened our eyes as to why adoptions are more open. We will probably tend towards a more closed adoption than is common these days but we are both excited to see what happens. If both pregnancy and adoption happen together, great!! We don't mind how our family starts just that it does start.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Summer is on the Way
Ben and I made no real plans for this past weekend and it paid off to be laid back. We spent Saturday having our first IUI. Now that is an experience to draw couples together:). We had some good laughs about it all.
Sunday we got a call from friends on their way to our local zoo. It was fun to take the zoom lens and get some close ups. I would have killed for a camera like this when I lived in Kenya. I have the lousiest pictures from Africa. I could have used this camera. We also spent the evening sitting at the beach listening to a Navy band playing Swing music. There are free concerts on Friday and Sunday night from Memorial Day to Labor Day. It is a different band each week. This will be a fun free entertainment.
Monday we got invited to the beach by our neighbors to go Kayaking. That was fun and it reminded us that the beach is one mile away.
Some of the animals.
Our friend Mark holding up the world.
His daughter exploring the train tracks.
The Navy Band
Sunday we got a call from friends on their way to our local zoo. It was fun to take the zoom lens and get some close ups. I would have killed for a camera like this when I lived in Kenya. I have the lousiest pictures from Africa. I could have used this camera. We also spent the evening sitting at the beach listening to a Navy band playing Swing music. There are free concerts on Friday and Sunday night from Memorial Day to Labor Day. It is a different band each week. This will be a fun free entertainment.
Monday we got invited to the beach by our neighbors to go Kayaking. That was fun and it reminded us that the beach is one mile away.
Some of the animals.
Our friend Mark holding up the world.
His daughter exploring the train tracks.
The Navy Band
Friday, May 23, 2008
Good News at Last
Don't get too excited we aren't pregnant but it feels like this is the first good news we have had so I wanted to share. I had a Doctor's appointment today to count my eggs again. I still feel like a chicken every time. There was a really nice looking egg, as he said, on the right side. This is what we have been waiting for as this is the side that still has the fallopian tube. Also Ben is in town. I have learned it helps to have him here when we are trying to get pregnant!!
Tomorrow afternoon we will spend a couple hours have IUI done. This is artificial insemination into the uterus. The procedure is done at the Naval hospital's Labor and Delivery center. Ironically this is where any babies we have here will born. We can tell our child they were conceived and born in the same place!!! We welcome any prayers as we head into the weekend. Our chance of success is only about 20% but that is better than what we have had in the past.
Tomorrow afternoon we will spend a couple hours have IUI done. This is artificial insemination into the uterus. The procedure is done at the Naval hospital's Labor and Delivery center. Ironically this is where any babies we have here will born. We can tell our child they were conceived and born in the same place!!! We welcome any prayers as we head into the weekend. Our chance of success is only about 20% but that is better than what we have had in the past.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Mommy and Daddy Make the World Go Round
This is a random picture but I wanted to include a picture from this week. The letter E made out of my little friend's bodies. I blurred the face to protect his cuteness.
I was gone from school on Tuesday to go to DC and of course they wanted to know where I was. The teacher told them I had to drive up and back in one day. When I got to school yesterday, Tea-Bag Darling and I had this conversation.
"Mrs. Leppard, you went all the way to DC?"
"Yeah."
"Did you sleep in the car?"
"No, I had to do all the driving as I was alone."
In a shocked voice she says, "You didn't went with your mommy and daddy? Where were they?"
Then today I was tying a shoe for another little girl. She was not helping me out at all and I told her, "You need to put your foot here as I am an old lady and can't bend down that far."
"Mrs. Leppard you aren't old," she said quickly. Then she gets real close to my face and looks at me. Finally she says, "Are your mom and dad dead?"
I was kind of surprised but laughed and said "No"
"Then you aren't old. When I grow up and get old then my mommy and daddy will die." With this cheerful thought she skipped down the hall to PE.
I was gone from school on Tuesday to go to DC and of course they wanted to know where I was. The teacher told them I had to drive up and back in one day. When I got to school yesterday, Tea-Bag Darling and I had this conversation.
"Mrs. Leppard, you went all the way to DC?"
"Yeah."
"Did you sleep in the car?"
"No, I had to do all the driving as I was alone."
In a shocked voice she says, "You didn't went with your mommy and daddy? Where were they?"
Then today I was tying a shoe for another little girl. She was not helping me out at all and I told her, "You need to put your foot here as I am an old lady and can't bend down that far."
"Mrs. Leppard you aren't old," she said quickly. Then she gets real close to my face and looks at me. Finally she says, "Are your mom and dad dead?"
I was kind of surprised but laughed and said "No"
"Then you aren't old. When I grow up and get old then my mommy and daddy will die." With this cheerful thought she skipped down the hall to PE.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My 12 Hour Day
My day started with a 4 1/2 drive up to Washington DC. I was scheduled for an orientation there with in-vitro clinic. This is what we have waited 8 months to get to. I did arrive almost two hours early but there was no way of knowing what traffic was going to be like.
The clinic is actually at Walter Reed Army Hospital. I found myself waiting to go into the orientation in the center of the hospital. It buzzed with activity and I saw first hand the effects of the war. There were a number of army personal waiting with one or two limbs missing. They call it Warrior Transition. I like the positive spin but it was hard to see 20 year olds in wheels chairs. It made my own infertility issues seem small.
At noon we all got herded into an auditorium which could probably hold 300 people. There were about 40 of us present. Some had husbands along but many of us were on our own. As I sat there I realized every one in that room was facing my pain. I heard some lady in front me say she had spent $17,000 last month on civilian IVF and it didn't work. Ben and I are considering this a one time shot. I almost got the giggles in there as I thought of a "Friends" episode. For those of you that never watched the show, Chandler and Monica can't have kids and choose to adopt. At one point they are talking to another infertile couple and Chandler says, "Well there sure are a lot of broken hoo hoos and wee wees in here." Maybe only I think that is funny but I am laughing as I write this and I was thinking that when I was sitting in the room and it cheered me up immensely. My overall impression is that once we get into the program it will take about three weeks. I will have to stay in DC for at least two of those weeks. There will a LOT of self-given shots, blood work and very early hours. But the staff seems friendly, efficient and knowledgeable. I was hoping we would make it into the July program but I think it is too late for us to do that one. The next one is September 15th. That isn't too bad and maybe in the mean time we get pregnant on our own and save $6000!! That would be cool.
At 2:15 the orientation abruptly ended and I leaped in my car to head home. I was desperately trying to get out of DC before traffic and it worked. It only took me 4 hours to get home. I am a bit sore from so much driving but over all I feel it was a very successful day. I had gone to the library to pick up books on CD so listened to 1 and a half books on my drive. For someone who loves to read it made my journey quite enjoyable.
The clinic is actually at Walter Reed Army Hospital. I found myself waiting to go into the orientation in the center of the hospital. It buzzed with activity and I saw first hand the effects of the war. There were a number of army personal waiting with one or two limbs missing. They call it Warrior Transition. I like the positive spin but it was hard to see 20 year olds in wheels chairs. It made my own infertility issues seem small.
At noon we all got herded into an auditorium which could probably hold 300 people. There were about 40 of us present. Some had husbands along but many of us were on our own. As I sat there I realized every one in that room was facing my pain. I heard some lady in front me say she had spent $17,000 last month on civilian IVF and it didn't work. Ben and I are considering this a one time shot. I almost got the giggles in there as I thought of a "Friends" episode. For those of you that never watched the show, Chandler and Monica can't have kids and choose to adopt. At one point they are talking to another infertile couple and Chandler says, "Well there sure are a lot of broken hoo hoos and wee wees in here." Maybe only I think that is funny but I am laughing as I write this and I was thinking that when I was sitting in the room and it cheered me up immensely. My overall impression is that once we get into the program it will take about three weeks. I will have to stay in DC for at least two of those weeks. There will a LOT of self-given shots, blood work and very early hours. But the staff seems friendly, efficient and knowledgeable. I was hoping we would make it into the July program but I think it is too late for us to do that one. The next one is September 15th. That isn't too bad and maybe in the mean time we get pregnant on our own and save $6000!! That would be cool.
At 2:15 the orientation abruptly ended and I leaped in my car to head home. I was desperately trying to get out of DC before traffic and it worked. It only took me 4 hours to get home. I am a bit sore from so much driving but over all I feel it was a very successful day. I had gone to the library to pick up books on CD so listened to 1 and a half books on my drive. For someone who loves to read it made my journey quite enjoyable.
Friday, May 16, 2008
My Little Heros
I often write up funny stories from my Kindergarten class but I also wanted you to know their backgrounds. They deal with so much horribleness that I never had to deal with and yet they still smile, play, laugh and freely love me and those around them. While they daily show me that we are born with a sin nature, they also show me that God made us to love and be loved.
Here are some of the hard facts of life about my students. Out of 17
* only five live with both their biological parents
* seven of them are being raised by single moms
* 5 of them have or have had dads in prison
* one is the result of a mentally retarded adult being raped and so is being raised by her grandparents
* one had his mom check into a mental hospital this year
* one has watched her mom go through three live in boyfriends since school began, one of which beat the mom.
* one has two moms and doesn't know he will get teased for this.
* one just saw his dad for the first time in two years
This is just some of what we know they are dealing with and then there is all the stuff they don't tell us.
They are amazingly resilient little people and I love them so much. As the school year draws to a close, I realize how much I will miss them. Now as you read their funny sayings you can picture my little heroes surviving and thriving in a crazy mixed up world.
One little girl looks pained and rubs her head saying, "Mrs. Leppard, I have a song playing in my head."
"I hope it is a good one."
"No it is a slow song with some old man singing it."
I picked them up from PE and all the girls start talking at the same time saying that someone had said the "f" word. I take the five girls who seem to be at the center of this hullabaloo and go outside. It turns out that two girls had been singing a song with the "f" word in it. I make sure that we all agree on the facts and begin to lay into the little girls for saying this. They both start crying and saying they were just singing a song. All the sudden I have a bad thought pop into my head and ask one little girl, "What 'f' word did they say? You can say it, you won't get into trouble." "They said FREAK" I am pretty sure that those little girls won't say that word again in any hurry and hopefully I have learned to double check on bad words BEFORE I yell at them!!
Finally today I met a little one that could give Tea-Bag Darling a run for her money. I was taking class pictures of all the kindergarten classes. I had just gotten his class all lined up for their shot when he sneezes a huge sneeze sending boogers all down his face. While he is getting cleaned up he looks at me and says, "I guess I am allergic to pictures."
I was laughing about this later with his teacher and she shared some of his classic one liners.
When she did something he didn't like he says, "Mrs. H you're fired!!" but later that same day he wants her help so he says, "OK you are hired again." Another one is "Mrs. H you make my feelings hurt when you yell at me." After he had sat a center for two minutes, "Mrs. H. I am all done with this center. I have learned everything I need to from it."
Here are some of the hard facts of life about my students. Out of 17
* only five live with both their biological parents
* seven of them are being raised by single moms
* 5 of them have or have had dads in prison
* one is the result of a mentally retarded adult being raped and so is being raised by her grandparents
* one had his mom check into a mental hospital this year
* one has watched her mom go through three live in boyfriends since school began, one of which beat the mom.
* one has two moms and doesn't know he will get teased for this.
* one just saw his dad for the first time in two years
This is just some of what we know they are dealing with and then there is all the stuff they don't tell us.
They are amazingly resilient little people and I love them so much. As the school year draws to a close, I realize how much I will miss them. Now as you read their funny sayings you can picture my little heroes surviving and thriving in a crazy mixed up world.
One little girl looks pained and rubs her head saying, "Mrs. Leppard, I have a song playing in my head."
"I hope it is a good one."
"No it is a slow song with some old man singing it."
I picked them up from PE and all the girls start talking at the same time saying that someone had said the "f" word. I take the five girls who seem to be at the center of this hullabaloo and go outside. It turns out that two girls had been singing a song with the "f" word in it. I make sure that we all agree on the facts and begin to lay into the little girls for saying this. They both start crying and saying they were just singing a song. All the sudden I have a bad thought pop into my head and ask one little girl, "What 'f' word did they say? You can say it, you won't get into trouble." "They said FREAK" I am pretty sure that those little girls won't say that word again in any hurry and hopefully I have learned to double check on bad words BEFORE I yell at them!!
Finally today I met a little one that could give Tea-Bag Darling a run for her money. I was taking class pictures of all the kindergarten classes. I had just gotten his class all lined up for their shot when he sneezes a huge sneeze sending boogers all down his face. While he is getting cleaned up he looks at me and says, "I guess I am allergic to pictures."
I was laughing about this later with his teacher and she shared some of his classic one liners.
When she did something he didn't like he says, "Mrs. H you're fired!!" but later that same day he wants her help so he says, "OK you are hired again." Another one is "Mrs. H you make my feelings hurt when you yell at me." After he had sat a center for two minutes, "Mrs. H. I am all done with this center. I have learned everything I need to from it."
Monday, May 12, 2008
I should win a prize
This is a picture of Ben and I when we managed to sell our house in a failing CA market. It was sheer joy. But it also reflects how I feel right now. After 8 months, 2 surgeries, a zillion phone calls and too many doctor's appointments to count we are finally able to go to our first IVF appointment. I will drive up to Washington DC next Tuesday for a 3 hour orientation on IVF. If all goes well after that and we manage to jump every hoop the military puts in front of us we might be in the program in July!!! If not July then October. I couldn't believe it when I got the call today. I truly wanted to jump up and down and felt like looking around for someone to hand me my prize for perseverance. Oh Happy day.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day
Mother's Day could be a time of sadness for what I do not yet have but I want to make the conscious choice of being grateful for what I do have. I have many friends and family around the world supporting me, praying for me and loving me unquestioningly through this time of trying to be a mom. I have an incredible friend in my husband who is the only one who truly knows all I experience with infertility as he is right there with me in it. I also have two amazing Mom's in my life to celebrate this Mother's Day.
Me and my mom on our road trip across the US this summer.
First, I am so incredibly grateful for my own mom who has inspired me and encouraged me so much over the years. I would now consider her a close friend as well as a Mom. When life is full of excitement and joy I just can't contain, I call her first to let you her know my heart. She is also the first person I turn to when life is overwhelming, when I feel hurt beyond belief, or when I am sick as a dog. There is something about hearing her lovely British accent, her no nonsense advice and having her pray for me that makes everything seem better. I am so honored to have her as my mom. I truly admire the life she has lead and the woman that she is. I do hope that I can one day be a mom like her.
My mother-in-law and the rest of us on our wedding day.
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I also inherited a fantastic second Mom through Ben. She welcomed me into her family with open arms and truly treats me as a daughter. I have learned to respect her common sense, her kind heart, her clear counsel and her loving encouragement. I know Mother-in-laws are often a joke, but mine is a joy.
Thanks to both my Mom's and Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. It is a gift from God.
Me and my mom on our road trip across the US this summer.
First, I am so incredibly grateful for my own mom who has inspired me and encouraged me so much over the years. I would now consider her a close friend as well as a Mom. When life is full of excitement and joy I just can't contain, I call her first to let you her know my heart. She is also the first person I turn to when life is overwhelming, when I feel hurt beyond belief, or when I am sick as a dog. There is something about hearing her lovely British accent, her no nonsense advice and having her pray for me that makes everything seem better. I am so honored to have her as my mom. I truly admire the life she has lead and the woman that she is. I do hope that I can one day be a mom like her.
My mother-in-law and the rest of us on our wedding day.
.jpg)
I also inherited a fantastic second Mom through Ben. She welcomed me into her family with open arms and truly treats me as a daughter. I have learned to respect her common sense, her kind heart, her clear counsel and her loving encouragement. I know Mother-in-laws are often a joke, but mine is a joy.
Thanks to both my Mom's and Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. It is a gift from God.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Living in the South
Sometimes I wish I had a video camera on me so I could film some of what I experience living in the south. Today at lunch it was just the teachers assistants in the lunch room. They all talk differently when the teachers are gone. There were about 6 hard core southern girls in there. As they got talking about kids their accents kicked into a higher gear and they had me laughing so hard. Here are pieces of the conversation that I remember.
"Child I'm telling you. Remember that short fat teacher who talked all the time? That little light skinned boy don cut her hair and she comes walking down the hall holding that their hair up and yelling for us all to see?"
"Whoo yeah he cut that hair fast too."
"Yeah but then she got a cute hair cut that looked so much better."
"Honey, what about that kid that they put out in the portable with us because he cried so much. I told him, 'Boy you can cry all you want. No one gunna hear you out here, so keep on crying.' That was the principal who told us to do that too."
"MMMM they told me to treat one chil like my grandkid. Ha I would too but then they told me I couldn't hit him."
"What about that teacher who got that tall black boy that turned all the tables upside. He flipped all the tables and all the chairs. He told the teacher she was stupid. She was a big teacher, I talking a BIG woman. She gets in his face and (at this point they are doing the head shake and finger wag) says, 'Boy you just try to call me stupid one more time.'"
"Ha ha yeah that boy he dun met his match in that woman. You never did hear him mess up again."
"Remember that one year I had the runner? This boy would take off running and hide under the portable. I would just look under there and wave and say, 'Hi baaaaaaaby you having fun? Is it nice under there?'"
"Ooo yeah that boy needed to be jacked up."(I haven't quite figured out what they mean by jack someone up but they all talk about it when they want to get in a kid's face."
Maybe I haven't quite captured the essence of it but I sure wish you could have been a fly on a wall.
"Child I'm telling you. Remember that short fat teacher who talked all the time? That little light skinned boy don cut her hair and she comes walking down the hall holding that their hair up and yelling for us all to see?"
"Whoo yeah he cut that hair fast too."
"Yeah but then she got a cute hair cut that looked so much better."
"Honey, what about that kid that they put out in the portable with us because he cried so much. I told him, 'Boy you can cry all you want. No one gunna hear you out here, so keep on crying.' That was the principal who told us to do that too."
"MMMM they told me to treat one chil like my grandkid. Ha I would too but then they told me I couldn't hit him."
"What about that teacher who got that tall black boy that turned all the tables upside. He flipped all the tables and all the chairs. He told the teacher she was stupid. She was a big teacher, I talking a BIG woman. She gets in his face and (at this point they are doing the head shake and finger wag) says, 'Boy you just try to call me stupid one more time.'"
"Ha ha yeah that boy he dun met his match in that woman. You never did hear him mess up again."
"Remember that one year I had the runner? This boy would take off running and hide under the portable. I would just look under there and wave and say, 'Hi baaaaaaaby you having fun? Is it nice under there?'"
"Ooo yeah that boy needed to be jacked up."(I haven't quite figured out what they mean by jack someone up but they all talk about it when they want to get in a kid's face."
Maybe I haven't quite captured the essence of it but I sure wish you could have been a fly on a wall.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
You know you are settled when....
When you are so busy Saturday with friends and events that you don't get any thing done on your to do list.
When you go to church and actually talk to quite a few people.
When you sit on your front steps completely at peace with life even though your husband is in Iraq for a week.
Over all a lovely weekend with amazing weather, good friends and fun at home. I also had an hour long chat with another military wife who just finished IVF. She gave me a blow by blow detail of what I should expect. It is more daunting than I thought but also exciting. We might even be able to get the July time slot for treatment. Happy thoughts.
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