I actually had to mentally take this thought and make it a blessing as I found I was getting frustrated with it. What is it you ask? Being the Double Mint family. I remember there were ads in the 80's for Double Mint gum which had a bunch of twins in them. The hot twins would get tons of looks and people would stare at them or in my mind take a double take... look once, turn away, and then turn to gawk. I remember our senior year of high school the identical twins in our class did a hilarious spoof skit on this idea. Weird fact is we had four sets of identical twins in our class of 90 students. Anyways... off that tangent.
Since we have had the boys we have become the "double mint family". People look at us, turn away and then turn back to stare at the rainbow of colors. Some are subtle and some so obvious that they are rude. Some think they are subtle and some don't care that they are gawking at us. They look at me and or Ben, scan to the boys, and then back to me who is often still watching them. I found for awhile that I stopped making eye contact as I didn't want to see the same old looks of surprise. Sometimes I just want to blend. In fact far too often I have wanted to blend in life. I am too much of a people pleaser and just want to be part of the crowd. I don't want to stick out everywhere I go or have people stare at me. I was never the gorgeous person that people would stare at. I did have one summer in England where I fled to recover from a broken heart. I was skinny as all get out from said heart ache. I had a small tan and long bleached blonde hair. I think being heart broken adds a mystery to you that is appealing and for one brief summer I was the girl who turned heads. At first it was an ego booster at a time when I really needed to feel good about myself. Soon enough though I was tired of sticking out and wanted to blend in even then. I didn't want to stick out even for a good reason.
So I have struggled with the realization that our family will always turn heads. People are always going to be trying to figure out who the parents are. We will continually be asked adoption questions often at inappropriate times. I do think it will get less as more and more adopt outside their race. I am sure the first families who adopted from Asia had many stares, comments, looks, and reactions as we do. But now it is so much apart of our culture to see that I am sure they get less of what I am describing. I read an article about an African American family who adopted a white girl and the reactions, many negative, that they had.
But I realized I HAVE to accept this part of our life as a blessing so I can help the boys react positively to the unwanted attention we receive. I was in a really bad mood last week and we went to the store where we got our usual comments, stares and questions. I just didn't want to deal with it that day and in my head I wished we were all the same color. But I immediately heard a small voice reminding me that I did not really want this. We are who we are and part of that is our skin color and I don't want to change who we are. I don't want to change our family story just so that we can go to the store and not get stared at. I know that Ben and I were meant to adopt Yared and Nati and this has been the greatest adventure of my life, so why would I want to change it to blend. I like the way our adoption has opened my eyes to so many things about life, our culture and even myself. If the boys matched us then they wouldn't be who they are and I DO NOT want to change them. I am mentally reminding myself to thank God every time we get stares or comments. It gives me a chance to brag on the boys or be proud of our family. It reminds me not to take for granted that I got one of my greatest wishes granted.. I get to be a mom. I am going to walk confidently through life taking the looks, stares, comments and questions in stride being grateful that this is the life God picked for me. We will never blend in and that is ok. We are a family. We are happy. We are blessed to be who we are. We are blessed to be different. I am going to choose to see this as the huge blessing it is. I will just play the Double Mint commercial music in my head and think "Yes Moira, you are doubly blessed and don't you forget it EVER."